He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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