"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
