there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
