I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
