dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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