I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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