Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
