high people should be assigned attendants
im holly from the hills drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
