drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
