exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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