I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
