I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
