Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
