If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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