You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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