you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
