Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
