finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's official drugs can't kill me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize