Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
