Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
