i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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