I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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