In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
