he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
