I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
