I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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