i wish my penis had a tongue
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
