You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
