Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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