I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
