A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
