C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
MIDGETS
????
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
