When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
