hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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