Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
