Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
