WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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