I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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