I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
