Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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