I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
