My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
