Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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