I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
