just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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