I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
