i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
