i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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