Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
