I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
