just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
