i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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