i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
