Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
