Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
