I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And then he peed in my hair
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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