Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
