accomplished twins. life is a go
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
