It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
