i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
