his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize