I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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