I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
