In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
vagina is talking i cant
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize