i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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