a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
