marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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