There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
