I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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