I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
