oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
