woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
