Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
