Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Less talking, more tequila
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
