I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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