We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
