I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
