Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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