My sheets look like a crime scene.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
