dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
