I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
