I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
