drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
