My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
