he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
