I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
