i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
