found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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