dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize