I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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