So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize