Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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