Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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