i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
