Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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