Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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