the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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