shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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