Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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